Apparently this girl (yes an actual girl) was less than impressed with Beyonce's "Run The World (Girls)" and spends about 5 minutes laying out the reasons why. It's an entertaining video, regardless of whether you agree with her points (her one about how Bey, deals with the fact her husband has written songs like "Money, Cash, Hoes" was particularly provocative. Watch and discuss below.
For anyone who's more than a little skeptical (*raises hand*) of the effectiveness of "ex-gay" therapy, But I'm A Cheerleader is the movie night pick for you. A funny-as-hell satire of reparative therapy and gender norms, Cheerleader stars Natasha Lyonne(a.k.a Tara Reid's friend in American Pie) as Megan Bloomfield, an otherwise happy 17-year-old girl who loves cheerleading and has a football-player boyfriend named Jared. But she doesn't like kissing him. And is a vegan. And listens to Melissa Etheridge. Oh no! Soon enough her family suspects she's a lesbian and with the help of ex-gay Mike (RuPaul) ship her off to True Directions, an ex-gay camp run by Mary Brown and her raging queen of a son Rock, to "cure" her of her lesbianism.
Needless to say, hilarity ensues. The campers undergo ridiculous exercises like chopping wood (I could turn a pun out of that but will resist:), working on cars, cooking, cleaning and changing diapers in an attempt to "reclaim" their gender identity, picket ex-ex-gays who left the camp, and awkward but sweet teenage romances. The look of the film, particularly the camp scenes, are also an artful attraction, with the intense blue and hot pink colors and Mary Brown's overly manicured home, replete with plastic plants, driving the point home of how fake the world of True Directions truly is. True, the movie's message is pretty obvious and little heavy-handed, but it's fun and enjoyable nonetheless.
Some of my favorite lines (most of them are from Andre lol).
Andre(when asked what is the "root" of his gayness): "Shit Miss Mary, I ain't the only that don't got no root!
Andre: "She's just upset 'cause the fish on her plate is the only kind she can eat."
Andre: "Congratulations! Liars! You know who you are and you know who you want! Ain't nobody gonna change that...Sheeit!"
"We are here! We're not queer! We're not going anywhere!"
"Wow. You are so good at being straight."
"You wanna like dick? You better start training yourself."
It's been a while since I've had the misfortune of reading/hearing anything asinine enough to qualify for The Negro Please Award, but after reading Tyrese's remarks on relationship and cheating, I think it's time to bestow this award upon a new recipient. Of course Tyrese was already was on my diss list because of past homophobic incidents involving the humiliation of a male concertgoer and moronic tweets telling male R&B singers to put some bass in their voice. But this just takes the patriarchal cake.
While on Wendy Williams promoting his self-help book TK, the singer basically told his female readers that men will screw you over, so deal with it.
“I don’t have all the answers [for why men cheat], but I can say that most mothers raised their daughters to believe that if you cook, clean, thoroughly take care of your man and go all out for your man, that should keep him home. Unfortunately that’s not the truth, but I will say to my daughter when she gets old and starts dating is, if you end up being cheated on, don’t own the cheat. Don’t make the cheat yours. It’s something in that skirt and those legs and whatever the case may be, and [he] decided to dip off. Does he see the value in his woman at home? Yes, but if he ends up dipping off, that spaghetti couldn’t keep him at home.”
I have to agree with the statement that women (or anyone for that matter) shouldn't take responsiblity for their partner cheating. But of course the same get-out-of-cheating free card doesn't apply to women. When asked if he forgive infidelity from his wife, Tyrese responded:
"No way. See, it’s expected of men to cheat, even though all men don’t cheat. I can’t just generalize and say all men cheat, but it’s expected because it’s a part of our upbringing[...]no listen if your in high school or in college, if one dude has sex with ten different women he is a hero, he’s the champion of the campus. If one woman has sex with ten different guys, they’re all kind of things in the book right?[…]Its just a part of what instilled in us growing up.”
Me thinks someone's watched Ray a few too many times. Not every woman is B (and even she read Ray and threatened to leave with the kids at the end). This attitude does a disservice to men and women. First of all, all men don't cheat. But following this logic, men are just hapless victims of biology and tradition, doomed to dip their nether regions into any pair of open legs they come across. "Oh I love my wife/girl, but, oh no, there's a chick in a tight skirt in front of me. MUST. POP. HER. CHERRY!" And men who already have doggish inclinations will have the perfect excuse for their behavior. While I agree that most men are raised with this attitude, that doesn't make the behavior that manifests because of it right. Tradition is not synonmyous with morality.
Women on the other hand, will have to deal with a "Ho-until-proven-otherwise" attitude, because the minute she cheats or has more than three or four sexual partners, she automatically becomes no better than a backalley prostitute in the eyes of men like Tyrese. It's the classic double standard: men are allowed to "sow their oats," but women are expected to not so much as touch a vibrator until the white knight (or heavily muscled light-skinned man--I see you Ms. Perry) that pastor has promised them will come finally shows up (and he may still cheat, if Tyrese is correct).
But then again I don't know why I'm surprised: I've witnessed plenty of guys who play their girlfriends like Atari, but declare all out war if she's even suspected of creeping. Don't get me wrong. Cheating is cheating (although every couple's idea of what constitues cheating varies). It doesn't matter who does it, it still sucks. But this idea that women are just supposed to dismiss indiscretion under the guise of "letting a man be a man" is just bullshit. Watch the tomfoolery below.
Recently a few blogs have been discussing the video/poem posted by Yolo Akili entitled Are we the kind of boys we want? In between spoken word rhymes black gay men talk about what they look for in a man and answer whether or not they would date themselves.
So would I date me if I saw me walking down the street? And started to cry each time we meet (oops that's Dionne Warrick). Anyway, I'm not sure if I would. On the one hand, I'm 5'10 with a medium build (damn am I on Adam for Adam?) and a handsome guy if I do say so myself, so I'd definitely catch my eye on a physical level. I'm creative, smart, very giving, easy going and have a wicked sense of humor. But on the other hand, I can be moody at times and very reserved emotionally. Plus my intellectual curiosity can sometimes get the best of me, and I can be over analytical about things and get lost in my own head. I think I would need someone who is earthy, more outwardly emotional and straight forward to balance me out. So...I'd love to be close friends with me, but I'd don't think I'd date me.
With that said, this emphasis (or let's be real) obsession with masculinity in the black gay community is problematic. So many guys are in search of the straight-acting gay holy grail, that they're willing to dismiss anyone who doesn't fit that criteria, no matter how good they may be. And what the hell does straight-acting even mean really? My dad is one of the most masculine men I know, but he watches soap operas (The Bold And The Beautiful to be exact). One of my roommates in college was straight but was a theater and dance major. Another straight guy I know hardly ever drinks hard liquor but loves daiquiris instead, while another guy loves Patti Labelle, but he is straight (hard to believe but it's true:). My point being, straight men don't always "act straight" so why should we as gay men expect that of each other?
While I personally feel I sway between the masculine and feminine, my overall aura/energy is more masculine, so I do feel qualified to speak more from that perspective. I can say from personal experience that masculine guys do feel pressure from fem guys to be the "man" in the relationship. I've had men expect me to always pay their way when going out(and their bills-so didn't happen!) and go to work everyday while they play the woman's role. I don't get why we would want to imitate straight couples, when clearly isn't working for them! Even in my current relationship, there was pressure at beginning for me to be more aggressive, to take charge and play more of the alpha male role. But I made it clear that that's never been who I am. I can be aggressive when it comes to pursuing things I want, but being some controlling, wannabe homothug is so not the business.
I like to lift weights. But I also love to read books. I like Ice Cube, Naughty By Nature, Biggie, Nas, Jay-Z, Marilyn Manson, Metallica, Slipknot and loads of other hip hop and hard rock. But I also love Madonna, Janet, Mary, Beyonce, Diana, Whitney and the rest of the diva brigade. I like Entourage, Menace To Society, Goodfellas, Diehard, American Pie, The 40-Year Old Virgin, Wedding Crashers, Friday, Family Guy and any other assortment of gangster, gross out and/or action flicks. But I can laugh my ass off at and appreciate films like Paris Is Burning, Changeling, Mean Girls, Bring It On, The Notebook, Waiting To Exhale and Clueless.
I'm not some rough piece of trade that doesn't know that two plus two equals four. And I'm not a super femme queen who's sole purpose is to get their life in the club every weekend. I'm a whole human being, and so are other black gay men, be they more naturally masculine or feminine in nature. True, in any relationship each person is inevitably going to fall into some traditional roles. You may have an eye for interior design that your man doesn't. Or you may be more mechanical than he is, so you fix things around the house. But to resign ourselves to these cartoonish hypermasculine and hyperfeminine roles will only lead to disaster.
What's important in any relationship, be it gay or straight, is that the individuals in it are not trying to fulfill some fantasy for the other person, but are being loved and appreciated for who they are. On a side note, it would be interesting to find out if this same thing goes on in the lesbian community (i.e. an obsession with femininity). It probably doesn't, since women are allowed to cross gender norms in their appearance and personal interests in a way men aren't, regardless of their orientation.
Anyway, watch the video below, and tell me what you think.
Being that 2010 marks the 20th anniversary of this iconic documentary I thought it'd be as good a time to talk about my love for Paris Is Burning. For those who don't know (and shame on you gurls who don't!) Paris Is Burning provides a crash course on the black/latino gay ballroom scene of late 80's New York. Legendary house mothers such as Pepper Lebeija, Dorian Corey, Angie Xtravaganza and Willi Ninja--whose vogueing style inspired Madonna's "Vogue" video--as well as ballroom luminaries such as the late Octavia Saint Laurent are profiled about the deeper meaning of the grand balls, homophobia, transsexualism, gender identity and racism.
While the fact that many of the films' subjects have passed since its 1990 release makes it a little sad to watch, I believe this film is invaluable for the way it shows an oppressed minority within a minority finding a way to flourish in a culture that openly despises them. Like other oppressed groups, the participants in the ballroom scene create a safe space to celebrate their differences and provide support, taking the abusive language hurled at them from the dominant culture and refashioning it in way that is empowering. The colorful characters courage to be themselves in an era of AIDS-induced fear is inspiring and a slice of LGBT history that should never be forgotten. Not to mention the litany of classic lines. Here are a few of my favorites:
Pepper Labeija: "Having a vagina, that doesn't mean you're going to have a fabulous life. It might in fact be worse!"
Dorian Corey on reading: "If I'm a black queen and you're a black queen we can't call each other black queens. That's not a read it's a fact!"
Octavia Saint Laurent: "Five hundred dollars for a simple dress."
The ballroom announcer: "God help you, you know how the children are!"
This is part of the reason why I have an ambivalent attitude towards Christianity/religion in general. Amber Yust, transgender woman, went to her local DMV in San Francisco to get her name changed on her driver's license. The change went through without incident. At least until Yust got a letter at her home a few days later. According to the Transgender Law Center:
Unbelievably, on Monday, Amber received a letter from the person who had processed her name change at the DMV. In the letter, which had been mailed to her at home, the DMV employee quoted from the Bible and stated that Amber had made a "very evil decision." The strongly-worded letter told Amber that she was "an abomination" and said that homosexuals should be put to death.
"I was shocked to receive this letter from the person who processed my paperwork at the DMV," said Amber. "I would never have expected that a DMV employee could use information from my name change application to reach out and personally attack me. This has been a traumatic experience for me and I want to ensure that nothing like this happens to anyone else."
The Transgender Law Center is investigating the incident.
What could make someone feel they have the right to use someones' personal information obtained from their job to send a letter telling them that who they are is an abomination that is destined to burn in hell? Nothing but the pompous, self-righteous attitude that too often comes from those who claim to be "speaking the truth in love."
No employee has the right to lecture (or in this case harass) customers who they feel don't live up to their personal standards. I wasn't thrilled about the fact that people came through the checkout line and bought cigarettes/chewing tabacco when I worked at Wal-Mart, but I definitely wouldn't send them a letter in the mail admonishing them for their "sin." Not that I'm comparing smoking to being transgender, but you get the point. I mean what's next? Sending Daily Bread books to a guy if he buys pink polos at the mall? A box of holy water for girls who wear baggy jeans?
