Body of Evidence

 Body of Evidence

Hey, let’s watch Madonna pretend to be an actor for an entire movie.  Body of Evidence is a terrible movie and most of the blame has to fall squarely on Madonna’s bare shoulders.  Madonna is completely out place in the role.  Much better actors surround her, and yet they’re just as bad with the material.  No one comes out of this movie without looking bad.  

Rebecca Carlson (Madonna) finds herself involved in a murder trial.  The State charged her with the murder of millionaire through sheer sexual force.  Yes, she sex-ed him to death.  The Green Goblin (uh, Willem Defoe) decides to be her defense attorney.  Like every other seduction/murder film, there is more going on than what is on the surface. 

This movie comes across as a poor man’s Fatal Attraction or Basic Instinct.  Where as Glenn Close and Sharon Stone came across as sexy and deadly, Madonna is cold and plain.  She supposed to be this sexy mistress that performs countless sexual acts, but none of it is convincing enough on screen.  Because of Madonna’s one-note performance, the movie feels more like a parody of those other films in the genre. 

The other thing that is maddening about the movie is the way it goes to great lengths to tell us how attractive Madonna’s character is, and so much so that every main character has to tell us that.  I hate to say this, but Madonna isn’t that attractive, movie. 

Even the script finds itself bored and jumps from one unsexy sex scene with Madonna to another without much of it having nothing to do with the script.  While I like nudity as much as the next guy, some of the unsexy sex scenes went on too long, as if there wasn’t much to the script to begin with. 

There’s not much else to say about this mess other than Madonna is appalling.  Willem Defoe is more appealing throwing pumpkin bombs at Spider-Man than have many scenes with Madonna naked. 

With this movie and Swept Away, Madonna should never do another acting role ever again. 

Grade:  F+

He’s thinking about fighting Spider-Man.

She’s thinking about destroying the career of a famous British film director by forcing him to make a really bad remake starring herself.