Jonah Hex

Jonah Hex

What do you get with an 81-minute movie co-starring Megan Fox?  Nothing too special, it is just a Wild-Wild West sequel.  There is no excuse for this movie being this messy. 

So, what can I say positive about the film?  The first 6 minutes are pretty well directed and fun.  The animated intro is really neat and makes you wish the rest of the film were in that manner and style.  The intro rolls through and tells us what we need to know. 

In the movie, Jonah Hex is a bounty hunter and a former Confederate soldier.  After some Confederate officers kill his family and messed up his face, the Native Americans bring him back to life.  Except, now Hex has some mystical powers and these powers are able to bring people back from the dead for a few minutes.  The mystical aspect is not from the comic book origin.  This subplot never is never fully explored.  Why was it added to the character?

Jonah Hex is a complete and utter mess. The tone of the movie shifts from being campy to a dark adventure.  This probably had to do with the fact that there were two different directors doing shots at various stages of the production.  Jimmy Hayward is listed as the director, but it rumored that Francis Lawrence (I Am Legend) did some of re-shoots.  By the way, this information seems to be removed from the Wiki page. 

Because of the added material and re-shoots, the movie is uneven and unfocused.  It truly doesn’t know what it wants to be.  The third act is rushed into the forefront without much build up that I have to wonder how much material was left on the cutting room floor. 

Megan Fox is terrible as the hooker (with a heart of gold?) in Jonah’s life.  Fox’s method of acting southern is mumbling her lines in a low voice.  I guess there was suppose to be a relationship between Jonah and her character, but there is little to no footage relating to that relationship.  I’m sorry, but Miss Fox has no talent other than looking hot. 

The person that brought her in for the role should be fired.  Not all the cashing is bad though.  Fox seems to be the one of the worst things about the movie.  She works better with jive talking robots.  How much money did they spend on the mist guy to spray her body down to make her look sweaty?

I really feel sorry for Josh Brolin because he’s really trying to pull off a convincing Hex here.  Brolin’s performance is better than the rest of the movie.  At one point, Hex falls a sleep and the movie moves on without.  Was there more footage missing? 

John Malkovich is just plain bad in this movie, giving that he’s played better villains in other films.  Actually, this is just another version of his character in Con Air, but far worst.  I mean no one in his group blinks after killing hundreds of people.  And, we’re given some flimsy reason behind his attack, which feels a lot like the villain’s plot in the Wild-Wild West remake. 

And, that’s the other huge problem with this uneven story.  They literally recycled the same exact plot from that Will Smith cowboy movie.  Except, they didn’t have a giant spider, but instead these Dragon Balls that exploded like Nukes.  I am not making this up.  I am aware that Hex’s comic stories are based on these types of things, but why completely recycle the same plotline?  And, what is up with the Dragon Balls?  Explain that, movie. 

It IS the same villain plot from WWW.  That’s is beyond lazy.

With an uneven plot and terrible music, Jonah Hex will remind you of the Catwoman movie more than Batman Begins.  The film sets you up for a sequel, but that will probably never happen.  And, I don’t think even the people involved with the production even care. 

Jonah Hex is a good example as to how to not make a movie.  The movie is short, very short, but with a bunch of re-shot material added in as well, so there are many plot holes.  Somewhere, there might actually be a better movie within all the un-used footage.  However, it is certainly not on screen. Its biggest fault is it doesn’t know what it wants to be.  And, DC and WB should have learned from their past mistakes.  Jonah Hex fans deserved better…way better. 

D+

Yep, she spends the whole movie mumbling and looking sweaty.  Here’s a picture, I just saved you the trouble of seeing the movie. 

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This is what Megan Fox does on a Saturday night. 

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 Lt. Gob Bluth:  “You want to see a magic trick?”


Yes, Will Arnett’s character is completely wasted.  What was the point of introducing him if his character is barely used?  Sounds like another case of more footage out there with this character. 

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John:  “Call me Cyrus The Virus again.”