Don't Be A Drag If You're Gonna Be A Queen...

Apparently this club has zero tolerance for queens incapable of lipsynching for their life. Look at the hilarity (both ironic and otherwise) posted on the sign above. All I can say is two snaps, a twist and a kiss!



Whatever Happened To Baby Madge...

Take a look at this hilarious skit lampooning the whole "Madonna vs. Gaga" feud (which if we're honest is really a battle amongst the queens), complete with a Whatever Happened To Baby Jane/All About Eve-esque subtext. Cher, Barbara, Liza, Diana and Sue Sylvester make cameos as well. Get into it below.

A Husband And A Husband?

Via Boy Culture:

This video is so cute, I had to post it. A little boy figures out that two guys are together, married and not only accepts it (and expressing surprise the way only a little kid can), but invites the two men to play ping pong. Watch and try not to say "Awww" below

Bacon! It's Whats For Hosing!

Most kids have to be told to clean their plate, but a 9 year old that ate too much bacon for breakfast found himself at the mercy of his pissed off Grandma! According to The Smoking Gun, 63-year-old Marilee Ann Kolynych chased her grandson out of the house, pinned him down on the front lawn and sprayed his face with a garden hose.

A witness told Press that Kolynych chased her grandson around the yard before throwing him to the ground and “sitting on top of him beating him on his legs and spraying water at very close range into [the boy’s] face.” The child told cops that “the nozzle setting was on full blast.”


The child eventually broke free and “ran across the street, using a neighbor’s phone to call his mother, who was in the basement while the incident was taking place out front.” Even after the boy’s mother arrived outside, a witness reported, Kolynych continued to chase after the child.

Sounds like the stuff Mommie Dearest (or in this case Grandma Dearest) memoirs are made of. Kolynych was charged with endangering the welfare of children, simple assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct charges. She's currently out on bail, and will have a preliminary hearing on July 7. Fortunately, the boy was not injured.

The First Husband....

If the reality of Michele Bachmann becoming a GOP frontrunner for the 2012 election disturbs you and the thought of her becoming president is just too disturbing for you to fathom, this short video of Bachmann's hubby Marcus will provide some much needed levity. To sum it up, chile Ms. Marcus is a good gal! You can just feel the rainbows bursting out of the computer the minute he sashays across the screen. Ironic behavior for a man, who according to some, "ungays" people as part of his therapy. As one commenter on Boy Culture said, "Bachmann may become the first female POTUS but if this video is any indication, we will still have a First Lady." Watch below.

Random Thoughts.....

With summer heat about to shine down on our behinds (technically we're currently being swamped by spring heat, at least until June 21st--uh oh, that means four months left until our next scheduled demise!), I figured it'd be as good a time as any to fire off some random thoughts.

1) Not to sound smug, but at this point isn't President Obama's reelection pretty much guaranteed? Like a coworker of mine said the other day, the crop of Republican contenders for 2012 is as pitiful as the Democratic nominees in '04. But then again, in politics you never know.

2) Isn't it sad that Sarah Palin's followers are so enraptured enslaved by her "I'm just a regular soccer mom" charisma that they're actually changing facts about Paul Revere's ride on Wikipedia to match her botched up version?

3) Even though I told myself I wasn't going to get caught up in the madness, I watched the first two parts of Oprah's final show extravaganza. I mean Patti, Beyonce, Madonna, Stevie, Aretha...there was no way I couldn't at least take a glimpse at the whole spectacle!

4) Am I the only one who thinks we're witnessing the unraveling of Chris Brown? I mean the bleach job was cool, but the nude pics....the Good Morning America tantrum....the smiley face tattoo on his back? Seriously, can you name his new single/video or when he's going on tour? Don't worry I'll wait....

5) Aren't you amazed that no religious whackjobs have come out of the woodwork to blame any of this year's natural disasters (i.e Alabama/Missouri tornados, Japan's earthquake) on the gays?

6) Doesn't True Blood's fairy (which my BF says are actually trolls) story arc look like it's going to be hella exciting?

7) I'll read Sherri Shepherd (or as fellow blogger Toddy English calls her, Boopsie) for her often moronic views on sexuality and gender issues as good as the next gay, but she was spot on with talking about Eddie Long.


8) While we're talking about Sherrie, I wonder if she'll take the same hard line on Tracy Morgan, or will she just Whoopi out?

9) If you haven't seen Madea's Big Happy Family, DON'T (unless it's on a bootleg). I'm not a huge fan of Ms. Perry anyway, but this movies makes Why Did I Get Married  look like Mo Betta Blues! Using passages from the play verbatim, characters as flat as cardboard, black women who are portrayed as either eternally pissed off (with no explanation why) soft as a wet blanket (Loretta got so screwed with this one) or relentlessly ghetto, major secrets that are resolved in under a minute. Chile, just take my word for it!

10) Didn't Lady Gaga look suspiciously mid-90's Mariah-like in that three way SNL skit a few weeks back?



11) Isn't it a relief that gas prices have gone down a little bit?

12) Despite my cynicism, I'm hopeful that Whitney's decision to extend her stay in rehab will be the start of her real comeback (in life as well as in music). Call me naive, but I guess you never give up on your first diva.

13) And since we're on the subject of divas, have you seen the clip of Beyonce 'warming up' for her American Idol performance? I mean I knew Bey had a strong voice but dayum. Watch below.


14) I know I've already ranted and raved about it, but what pipe was Creflo "Po Pimp" Dollar smoking from when he defended his "brother in the Lord" Eddie Long? More importantly, what did they slip the congregation in the communion juice? I mean your head would have to be shoved up your small intestines to be able come out of your face that boldly.

15) Maybe Eddie and Crelfo could do a remake of Devin The Dude's "Use These Ho's?" Or maybe Jay-Z and DMX's "Money, Cash, Hoes?" Joel Osteen could chime in on the "Whats"!

October Next Time!

Feeling let down that you weren't caught up in the Rapture last Saturday (or that the people on your "Rapture List" weren't)? Have no fear, because according the deluded infamous doomsday prophet Harold Camping, the new date at which we will all meeting our agonizing desctruction is October 21, 2011, less than five months from now. Whew, a month later and I would've had a very eventful birthday to say the least.

According Camp, the Rapture did take place Saturday, but only in the spiritual sense (hmmmm, like many religious scholars say such things (i.e most of Revelations) are intended to be interpreted? I'm just sayin!).

"The whole world is under Judgment Day and it will continue right up until Oct. 21, 2011 and by that time the whole world will be destroyed," said Camping. Not only did he delay the date of Doomsday, Camping did not admit to his mistake about the May 21 date. He claimed that Rapture did happen, but only in a spiritual sense.


"On May 21, this last weekend, this is where the spiritual aspect of it really comes through. God again brought judgment on the world. We didn’t see any difference but God brought Judgment Day to bear upon the whole world."

And what encouraging, empathetic words did Camping have to say to all the would be Raptured? You know, the ones who spent the life savings and quit their jobs and such, including a woman who is pregnant with their second child?

“They should have relied on God and not me,” Camping said. "Family Radio is not in the business of financial advice....They should turn to God and pray."


Damned if you do and damned (to hell) if you don't. Fools like Camping demand total blind obedience from their followers, and when they comply and things don't work out (as they always do with these charismatic types) blame is cast on them. Read the rest of the article here.

Caught Up In The Rapture....

Oops, guess not! Although another doomsday prediction has bit the dust, that doesn't mean we can't have a soundtrack to the aborted apocalyspe. In any event, if people were going to raptured up to meet Jehovah (not to be confused with Hova), why not have Ms. Anita serenade them smoothly as they begin their journey into the light. Mayans, your're up next. Listen below.

Madonna And Beyonce On Oprah Finale....

Madonna and Beyonce on Oprah's last show? I think I may explode into a big burst of rainbow:). From the shots I've seen, it looks Bey will be performing as well. Madge and the Big O have come a long way from when Madonna dissed her in Truth Or Dare. But I guess at some point even Madonna had to bow to the merciless power of Oprah. And she is working that 30's music star glam look. Okay, enough stan talk. View a few pics below.

Shit Outta Luck!

*Warning-for those who are unnerved by discussions dealing with bodily functions, do not read the following post. For those willing to read with repulsed fascination, CONTINUE!

While I haven't been in the working world for a long time (6-7 years at the most) I thought at this point I'd worked at enough fast food/warehouses/supermarkets/convenience stores to witness the worst customer etiquette has to offer. People pouring up Hennesy in the parking lot, customers holding crack pipes in the drive-thru window (while purchasing a Happy Meal), detailed dissertations on how wet lips are needed for good blowjobs in the checkout line--I've seen it, heard it and clutched the pearls at it all. But what happened today could stun even the most hardened of customer service associates.

The incident occured this morning during the weekend shift at my part-time gig. Basically my job is to sweep, mop, collect shopping carts and make sure the store is clean. Anyway, I'd just finished tidying up the break room when I heard two female employees complaining about an awful smell. Since they were nearby the women's restoom and I had already cleaned both bathrooms, I figured a customer was in there tearing the toilet a new one (no judgment!) and the odor would disappear after a few courtesy flushes. But to no avail.

I grabbed the dust mop and began my periodic sweep through the store when another associate on the phone stopped me. At first I thought he was asking where another Kevin, who worked in that section of the store was. I went out into the aisle to look for him, thinking he was putting up merchandise or something. But he was actually trying to page me.

"NO," he said, with a slight I-can't-believe-it-either grin on his face. "Somebody took a shit in the aisle!" I must've blacked out or spontaneously went deaf, because he had to say again before I took a look. There was no way that I heard correctly. I took a careful step out into the aisle and there it was: right near the washing machines sitting like an extra light brown Hershey Kiss was a pile of crap. And not just one pile: there was an entire happy trail of mini-Kisses leading down the aisle!

Other associates gathered around in a mutual WTF moment. As the manager mumbled phrases like "nasty ass people," with the vitriol of a pissed Sunday school teacher, they seemed to take a delusional detour, trying to convince themselves it was really dirt, mud or a product that spilled out. But one whiff knocked everyone back into horrible reality. As I turned to walk to get cleaning materials the manager yelled out "Are you going to get a broom?"

My first thought was "FUCK that SHIT! (literally and figuratively). Have the bastard that pooped it scoop it!" (Unbeknownest to me the offender was still in the bathroom at the time. Yes a grown-ass man was responsible for busting out brown betties in the middle of an aisle!). But I simply nodded and went to the supply closet. It is my job after all. With mop in hand and bearings firmly in check, I ignored the "Damn homie/It sucks to be you right now (more like shitty:)" looks from co-workers and handled business. As far as I know no other customers saw that shit. Otherwise it would've really hit the fan.

Let's Have A Roast For The Douchebags

If  laughter is the best medicine, President Obama offered up a mouthful at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, deliciously ripping on Donald Trump and the birthers. The cherry on the sundae is Trump is in the audience while Obama throws enough shade to block out the sun. And all ol' Oompa Loompa can do is sit there and pretend to laugh along while looking like the giant tool that he is. Watch below.

Random Thought: Kate Middleton

While my interest in the whole royal wedding bruhaha has been virtually nonexistent, I must admit that Kate--excuse me, Duchess Kate--was serving us Princess Arial with that veil and tiara! I half expected her to look towards the church ceiling, TV cameras panned just so, her eyes glazed with hope, and start singing "I wanna be, where the people are!" At least Ursula didn't come and snatch that ass up, 'cause that would've been ugly. But I digress. Look at a few pics below.

Mollie, I'm On Ganga Girl!

If you recall my "O Ms. Celie" post a few months back, then you are already well aware that Whoopi isn't adverse to popping a pill (or two) when faced with a nerve-wracking situation such as flying. It turns out being nominated for an Oscar is also a panic-inducing event for Whoopi. Enough so that she needed to spark up before accepting the award for Best Supporting Actress in Ghost. A career highlight in more ways than one. According to CNN.com:

"Smoking cigarettes and pot every now and then are my habits. And so I thought, I've got to relax. So I smoked this wonderful joint that was the last of my home grown," she says in the video.

In fact, Goldberg was so high that she was worried about making it to the podium when presenter Denzel Washington announced that she had won an Oscar for Ghost.

"When he said my name and I popped up, I thought, Oh f-! ...OK, up the stairs ... around to the podium … there's millions of people, pick up the statue, get the statue," she says in the clip.

Goldberg's mother later called and asked if she had smoked prior to the event. "Your eyes were just glistening," she told her daughter.

Mama knows child! You can watch Whoopi talk about her Oscar night misadventures in a 1992 recording session clip obtained by TMZ here.

I'll Smite You Like Ryu!

The pastor captured in the video below seems to lay hands on people in his own special. So special that someone hilariously decided to add Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter sounds to the mix. Watch below:

Oh Snap! A Response To The ULCA Chick's Racist Asian Rant

Look at this hilarious response to the UCLA valley girl's incredibly racist rant against Asians and improper library decorum. Which in her whacked out mind only occurs among Asians (particularly the Chinese-which weren't even harmed in the tsunami! Like oh my god, get your nationalities right!)

A Penny Saved....

Is a credit card bill paid! Watch this news report of a man who tries to pay his $6,500 Chase credit card bill entirely in pennies. As Bea Arthur once said "These are desperate times Rose!"

Into The Heart Of Ignorance

I saw this over on Son Of Baldwin and had to post it. In his video for "F*ck A Book," comedian Aries Spears hilariously swekers the arrogantly ignorant, money-over-bitches, materialistic gettin'-money-by-any means philosophy that is all too pervasive in much of modern day hip hop. And like all good parodies, its humor is only dampened by the fact that it seems tragically all too real.

While I do feel "party" music is just as necessary to hip hop and other musical genres as more introspective/intellectual stuff (you can't fight the power 24/7), it is the lack of creativity and innovation that bothers me. Naughty By Nature, Biggie, Missy, Wyclef, Outkast and others have all created what could be labeled as "ignant party music," but still managed to embue their songs with some measure of artistic ingenuity, be it the flow, the production or the visuals, something that many "ringtone anthems" lack.

Watch below:

Vogueing In The Circus Of A Bad Romance

I swear I just happen upon these things. Same drill as the last post kids; if you mute Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" video and play Britney's Circus, Gaga's clip fits in pretty well with the song. However, they are different lengths so it's not as seamless as the "Single Ladies/Vivrant Thing" mashup. Madonna's "Vogue" can also kinda work in a pinch (you know I had to throw Madge into the mix lol:). Try them out below:






Madonna - Vogue
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Feelin The Spirit...

Now I've seen my share of Holy Ghost fiyahs (I once saw a woman dance out of the pew--legs and other assorted limbs flailing about--and dance back to her seat without hitting anyone. True story!), but I don't think I've ever witness the full flame on going on in this church! Hold on to your funeral home fans and watch the clip below:

Random: Best Of Debra Wilson

Debra Wilson is one of the most underrated comediennes ever. I honestly don't know why she isn't on TV more. Her celeb impersonations are always on point (the Whitney and Oprah skits are classic, not to mention "Reality Check" with Aries Spears).

She is clearly articulate and witty enough to fit in with the dry humor of The Office or 30 Rock, and able to play the kind of kooky, offbeat character needed for a show like Community. She could slay most of SNL's female cast. Quite simply, she is a beast. Get into some of my favorite Deb clips below.

P.S.: I tried to get the "Oprah turns demonic" and "Get your ass outta bed" clips but embedding was disabled. Anyways, enjoy!